If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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