I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
