i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
