I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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