he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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