Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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