Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
