i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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