I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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