I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize