oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
