he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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