Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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