i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
