You're so nebulous sometimes
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm at about main and main street
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize