Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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