we made out on top of his cat.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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