Christians are straight up FREAKS
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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