you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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