If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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