Me too!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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