He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
