and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize