He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
