My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Two words: nipple clamps
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