How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
