just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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