I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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