mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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