btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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