I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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