what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
