Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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