I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
