I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
