You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
