will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
