Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh god it's open bar.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
