Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
