It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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