The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
