My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
