Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
