Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
