Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
