6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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