I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
