Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
