Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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