i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize