Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if only i could text you this smell
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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