in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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