Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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