so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
