Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
