Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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