I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
