Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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