brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
