people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
