bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize