I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize