I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
