a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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