dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
His hands were made for my vagina.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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