his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
