i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
