I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
