this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
