i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize