Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
